How to tell if youre clingy and what to do about it

How to tell if youre clingy and what to do about itHow to tell if youre clingy and what to do about itWhen it comes to anew relationship, some love the chase, others find it exhausting. Once its more solidified, some enjoy spending every free moment with their lebenspartner, others need their space.Figuring out how to act from day one in a relationship isnt easy - do you text again or give him space? Do you see him on FridayandSaturday or figure he needs a night off? Is it normal to analyze his social media activity or are you inching toward obsessive danger?Why people become clingyIts normal to want to spend a lot of time with the person youre dating and do what you can to know them better, especially when things are extra new and therefore extra exciting, but its possible to take it too far and need to take a step back.Follow Ladders on FlipboardFollow Ladders magazines on Flipboard covering Happiness, Productivity, Job Satisfaction, Neuroscience, and moreRachel ONeill, an Ohio li censed professional clinical counselor and Talkspace provider, says there are a number of contributors to someone becoming clingy.Often, it can be due to feelings of insecurity, self-doubt oranxiety about the future, she said. A lack of confidence in relationships can also contribute to clinginess. For some people, the idea of being alone can be uncomfortable and so they may cling to other individuals in an effort to avoid feelings of loneliness.But whats the difference between finding comfort in your partner and being anxiously attached? How do you know if youre suffering from emotional neediness and sensitivity to rejection instead of just being madly in love? According to ONeill, there are some quick, easy signs. Youhave a hard time being alone, you struggle when your friends or partner ask for space, you are afraid that people will want to spend time without you, she said.To those who are clingy, extreme thoughts and actions look and feel a lot likelove and intimacy and they don t want to let a good thing go. The problem is that this feeling - the obsession with physical and mental closeness that can come off as clingy - is not love.How to manage your behaviorTo move past dependent behavior, there are a number of things you can do by yourself that make you feel good. Its important, when spending time alone,to be able to still find happiness. Realize that being on your own is okay. Do things that you enjoy and try to develop your interests or hobbies. Try to listen to feedback from your friends and family. Practice setting boundaries and sticking with them.If you recognize your behavior as clingy, talking about your insecurities with your partner can also help. ONeill says your attachment could be a result of past negative relationship experiences, which have led to a difficulty in trusting others. You may feel that if you dont try to control a situation, something bad may happen. Talking about it with your partner will help give you that sense of security you crave.The most important step, ONeill says, is acknowledging your actions. The first step in working to overcome it is to be aware that its happening, she said. Notice your tendency to be clingy and then take steps to focus on letting go of some of that need to control. You might still feel those urges to be clingy, however, you dont have to act on those feelings.Understand your behaviors and how to move past themAt the end of the day, we all have needs. Abraham Maslow categorized this best with his Hierarchy of Needs - the need for food and sleep, to feel secure, and for belonging and love. These needs are all important and carry a profound weight in our lives, but being overly needy is bad for your health and your relationship with your partner.Talking to a therapist can help you put your behavior into perspective andobjectify the source of your clinginess. It could be that you have an anxiety disorder that needs professional attention, but it could also be that your partner isnt reliable and your fears are actually grounded in reality. Talking through it with a professional can make you feel like youre not on an island alone and validate whether or not youre in a relationship thats right for you and your mental health.This article originally appeared on Talkspace.You might also enjoyNew neuroscience reveals 4 rituals that will make you happyStrangers know your social class in the first seven words you say, study finds10 lessons from Benjamin Franklins daily schedule that will double your productivityThe worst mistakes you can make in an interview, according to 12 CEOs10 habits of mentally strong people